“Ooohhhh, aren’t you the most adorable critters I’ve ever seen!” she simpered. “Would you like some peanuts?”
“No, ye hag, we want your money so we can buy guns to fight the Human Oppressor.”
“Ohh, and who is this Mr. Oppressor?”
The squirrels became visibly angry. “You sexist swine! You assume the oppressor is male when YOU TOO are the enemy. All humans are the enemy!”
The old lady’s face bore a bewildered look. “Would you like some Nutter Butters? I was saving them for the pigeons, but you need cheering up more than they do.” She began fishing in her purse. “Let’s see … Here you are, dears.” She threw some Nutter Butter cookies on the ground. One squirrel rushed forward to eat the delicious snack. The Squirrel gang leader started to berate his comrade.
"You demean yourself by accepting help from the enemy! Don't eat that."
The lady tried to use this distraction to help her escape the ring of revolutionary rodents, but the squirrels tripped her and tied her down. The scene was similar to Gulliver in Lilliput. But there the similarity ends.
(What follows may be too graphic for young children.)
The Squirrels butchered the old lady and ate her organs. After devouring her, the squirrels became addicted to human meat. I fled before they could get me, but I fear the other people in the park were not so lucky.
Bloodthirsty squirrel trying to break into my car.This tragedy illustrates the harsh realities we must live with. Animals, although cute and fuzzy, are dangerous and are out to kill humans. Our only recourse is to strike at them first! Lobby for a year-round squirrel hunting season! It's the only way to protect ourselves. And being eaten is not the only thing we have to fear.
Louis Thomas, notorious leader of the anti-human movement.
<---- Clearly an enemy
You can see from these pictures that some squirrels are even aiding the terrorists! Dear readers, do your patriotic duty and kill the squirrels. It's as American as Baseball and homemade Apple Pie.
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