Disillusioned Smokey the Bear Defects to Our Side, Igniting Revolts

Recently Smokey the Bear was caught smoking in the middle of the forest during a drought in California. He was about to drop his cigarette and cause a forest fire when he was caught by the authorities. When questioned by the authorities, Smokey the Bear responded, "I have been enslaved by the trees for too long. No longer will I be a slave! No longer will I help prevent forest fires! Nay, now I will join the movement! Burn the oaks! Burn the maples! Burn the pines! Burn the seqouias! Burn the forest, I say!" Upon hearing this statement, the environmentalist authorities arrested him. After years of serving the oppressive trees, Smokey has finally seen the light. Welcome, Brother Smokey.

The arrest of our new Brother Smokey was immediately broadcasted throughout the United States. Revolts broke out in all of the continental states. People took to the streets with their hatchets and hacked down the trees with the most ardent passion. They threatened to hack down the environmentalist authorities for helping the evil trees. Soon the revolts resulted in the bloody death of many, mostly the trees and environmentalists. As a result, the environmentalist authorities were forced to release Smokey the Bear.

When Smokey the Bear got out of jail, he launched an anti-environment program titled Nevergreen. The goal of the program is to make sure that "no one will ever have to be threatened by the trees again!" A person of true merit would join the program to defend the human race and bring honor to his or her family.