Entrepreneurial Musk Oxen Protest To Support ANWR Drilling

The debate about whether to allow oil drilling in ANWR has been raging for over three decades. Those in favor of drilling argue that the U.S. needs the oil, while those who oppose it cite “environmental protection”. However, these opponents have never bothered to ask the animals how they feel about drilling in their homes. This arrogant presumption caused the environmentalists much embarrassment last Wednesday when a herd of Musk Oxen staged a pro-drilling protest in Fairbanks, Alaska, the town that houses the managers of ANWR. The crowd of angry Ovibos moschatus marched around the Fish and Wildlife building in Fairbanks while holding up signs saying, “Vote ‘YES’ for drilling,” “Don’t ‘defend’ our homes without our consent,” and, “Take our petroleum – please!”

Protesting Musk Oxen
When asked about this protest, the Musk Ox leader said, “The oil is in ANWR. We live in ANWR. Therefore, we own the oil in ANWR. If there’s drilling here, we will most certainly get a cut of the profits from it. With that money, we can build hospitals for our sick elders.”

This story has not received enough media attention because there’s a vast conspiracy to hoard the ANWR oil. We at The Defoliant refuse to aid the conspirators. Follow the Musk Ox’s advice: Drill for oil.